Snapshot In A Family Album

Lexx and Petros show off their three little ones.

I don’t know how common the concept of “families” is in Second Life.  I got an introduction to that concept some time back, when I was “adopted” as a father by Samaria, Lillindrial, Lexx, and so forth.  Over time, this has grown, until now I find myself the patriarch of a three-generational clan:

• Myself and my wife Selenalore.
• My younger siblings: Fiona the somewhat ditzy blonde sister, and Stephen the steadfast little brother.
• My daughters: Morning, Suki, Lexx, Lilli, A.J., Adah, Shaunny, Ginger, Samaria, Say, and Miho.  (Don’t ask me how I accumulate them.  They just pop up out of nowhere, it seems.)
• My one son, Piook, who’s never online…
• And now, at least six grandchildren: Faith, Hope, DeSpair, Crissy, Angel, and Selina.  (UPDATE: Add to that Spring, Kayla, Giselle, and Tierra.  And one great-grandchild, Jasmine.  Heavens to mergatroids!)

The latest development came after Lexx and her spouse Petros visited the Make-a-Wish Adoption and Shopping Centre, on the “Happy Ever After” sim.  They found DeSpair, who wanted them to take him home with them, but insisted that his sisters, Faith and Hope, come along too.  The three are all 2-year-olds, and Lexx fell in love with them overnight.  And so, I came home from a party in RL tonight to find out that I was now a grandfather.

Of course, these kid avatars are powered by ageplayers, about which I’ve written before.  But, whoever their RL controllers are, they’re very convincing as little children.  They actually move so fast, it seems like the frame rate of the client can’t keep up!  And they’re cute as the dickens, too.  They listened sweetly as “Poppy” (that would be me) told them stories; first I recounted a condensed version of my adventure to pick up Selena, then I told them “a story about santa” (adapted from the movie Santa Claus Conquers The Martians), then another story condensed from “The Tale of the Adopted Daughter” in Robert Heinlein’s Time Enough For Love.  Meanwhile, over Skype, Lexx is just gushing over the kids.

I predict interesting times in the future.  For all of us.

Sometimes, Dreams Have This Way of Coming True

Selena and Erbo

As you might have guessed from my last post, I was still kind of adjusting to being single in both First Life and Second Life. I am privileged to say now that both of those conditions have been successfully altered.

Back in July, I was hosting another one of my “Big 80′s Party” events. One of our hostesses, who couldn’t be there that night, was listening in on my stream and conversing with me via IM. We suddenly found that we had a lot more in common than we ever suspected…and the conversation turned increasingly affectionate as the evening went on.

By the end of the evening, I was extremely confused: “OK…exactly what is happening here???” By the end of the following evening, it had become clear–to both of us–exactly what was happening: We were falling in love.

It turned out that the lady behind this hostess that had worked with me for over a year was only a couple of years younger than me, very close to me in birth dates (2 weeks exactly), had many other tastes in common with me, and was an Arkansas country gal with an accent like dripping honey. And we were both “available.”

In Second Life, our relationship quickly built itself. She created an entirely new alt, “Selenalore Michigan,” for the sole purpose of being my companion. That blew me away. I’d never had anyone do that before, or even known of anyone who’d done that. She quickly became “Lady of the House” at the Evans Family Compound on Lexxotica, and has contributed to the development of its architecture and landscaping. And she has also become the proud recipient of the only “Girlfriend” tag ever given out in my DJ fan group; the title of this reads, “I’m With The DJ, OK?” (A quote from the song “DJ Girl” by Katalina.)

This might have been where it stayed for us…had her father, with whom she was living in RL in Hot Springs, Arkansas, not awakened from a bad dream and decided it was time for her to leave the nest. And, with that, preparations began for a Grand Adventure that would carry me through seven states, and result in this lovely lady coming home with me, to stay. (It also resulted in a lot of other adventures, such as finally getting to meet the RL person behind “Lexx” for the first time, and what Lexx terms “the 30-minute hug.”)

As I write this, “Selena” is in fact leaning on my shoulder, helping correct my prose before it gets posted. We’re both tremendously happy, and she enjoys being here in Denver. There may be wedding bells sounding in both worlds sometime soon, or soon enough. I would just love for everything to work out between us, and for us to go down in history as a shining example that relationships can make the transition from Second Life to First Life successfully.

For now, though, you’ll have to excuse me…I think someone requires my attention.

“When you wish upon a star,
Makes no difference who you are,
Anything your heart desires will come to you…”
– From the Disney movie Pinocchio

Sex and the Single Avatar

Bells as Femme Fatale

Our good friend Bells Semyorka, having recently separated from her longtime partner, has decided to take on a “femme fatale” persona with a new group blog, dealing with the dating life for female SL avatars. She’s currently soliciting authors for this group blog; contact her for more details.

In a certain sense, I’m kind of in the same boat as she is. (Though Danielle is still listed as “partner” on my profile, that’s largely for sentimental reasons, as she rarely logs in to SL under that avatar anymore.) Furthermore, I’ve got the same situation in real life, as, nearly a year ago, my wife divorced me and left for Finland, and she remarried shortly thereafter. (Like Dave Barry, I am not making this up.) It occurs to me that I should be making more use of SL as an environment to become comfortable with the dating process so I won’t be so intimidated by it in RL…but I confess to having about as little clue as to how to proceed on the Grid as I would out in the real world.

Now there are a few resources I’ve seen out there that cater to clueless n00bs (and, when it comes to the fairer sex, I’m as clueless as the lot), such as this one by former escort and now land-baroness Lillie Yifu, on her 2nd Sex blog. (From analysis of her other posts, I would say her understanding of the way men tick is uncanny.) And, while Hamlet over at New World Notes pointed to a good resource by one of her commenters, that blog, alas, has dropped off the face of the Net. I’ll have to keep searching; someone, somewhere, must have written something about how to approach women in SL while not appearing as crude, pushy, ill-mannered, or sex-obsessed. And I’m not interested in orgy rooms or other “cock dumps”; those would probably only hinder, rather than help, me when it comes to dealing with real life.

Sometimes, however, opportunities fall right in my lap, as this post on Electric Minds will make clear. In this case, “Cute Model” clearly had me targeted, and I handled the encounter well enough to stick in her mind; some days later, she IM’d me when I was in SL and had nothing else going on, and we spent some nice time together out on a beach sim. Since then, however, nothing much has happened between us; either I totally bungled things, or she was just toying with me all along. I don’t know. And I hate not knowing.

Sigh…sometimes things are simpler in EVE Online, where Lexx and I spend a lot of time (q.v.); there is no “dating” as such, and you don’t even see people, just their spaceships. At least until CCP releases their “Ambulation” upgrade, that will let people get out of their capsules and wander around stations…

Not So Naughty, I’m Afraid

Vint Falken has tagged me for a little blog game in which one is supposed to name the avatars one would like to have SL sex with, for various reasons. Well, Vint, I don’t think I can give you what you’re asking for…but I can give you something better. It’s called “the truth.”

The truth is, I’m not really the SL-sex kind of person. The only person I’ve actually done that with is Danielle, and that was in the context of our SL relationship (courting, and later, marriage). Heck, while I have an Xcite! setup somewhere in my inventory (in a folder marked “(warning!)”), it hasn’t seen any use in ages…and the cock in it is still the original cock. Not even an X2, much less an X3. I just haven’t seen the need to spend money on upgrades for something I don’t use.

People would probably find it hard to imagine this, seeing as how I’ve been DJing quite frequently at Club Desire (now Elite Desire), where on any given night I can look down from the booth and see any number of ladies, generally looking their best and acting quite flirtatious with the dancers. I’m sure that, were I so inclined, I could talk many of them into an interlude…but that’s just not me. I don’t sleep around, in RL or in SL. And the ladies that I tend to spend the most time with are my own “daughters” (such as Samaria and Lillindrial); the idea of Doing It with them falls rather firmly in the realm of “eww eww eww.”

I could “tag” Danielle to respond to this herself, but I already know what she’d say, and that’s much the same thing that I’m saying here. Neither of us is inclined to sleep around in SL, just as we aren’t inclined to do so in RL. Which is not to say that we’re going to condemn other people for doing so; if we were, we wouldn’t be in the business we’re in. But we have our own consciences to look after, which is all that we can take responsibility for. I suppose, when it comes down to it, it just serves to demonstrate how much our SL avatars are reflections of our RL selves.

(Don’t worry, Vint, you didn’t offend me by tagging me. I just thought you deserved a good and truthful answer, rather than being ignored.)

“All love is unrequited, Stephen. All of it.” – Commander Susan Ivanova (to Dr. Stephen Franklin), Babylon 5 episode “Rising Star” (season 4)

Budding Relationship Guru

Danielle has had an awful lot to say about relationships in SL recently…most notably this post on committed relationships and infidelity in SL, which got her a nice writeup in Second Life Insider. She followed it up with a good discussion of the Xcite! body parts, their use in enhancing a relationship, and their detractors. She’s probably the Numero Uno expert in SL relationships right now…but don’t take my word for it, look at this:

If there is a more qualified person to speak on the topic of How To Make an SL Relationship Work, then that person probably holds a Ph.D in Marriage Therapy. Until that person decides to drop into SL, go check out Dani’s post and talk amongst yourselves.

How’d she get this way? I think I know, and I told her: She’s involved in a successful relationship in SL, and she’s seen enough other relationships, both sucessful and failed, to know what works and what doesn’t in this environment. That automatically puts her ahead of 90% of the Resis out there…maybe 99%.

So I’ve encouraged her to offer her services as a relationship counselor. IM Danielle Ferguson if you want to set up an appointment. Or just check out Ask Dani, and give Danielle a try as your advice columnist.

(Photo: Danielle, myself, and Alia on the swing on the front porch of the new Gin Rummy building in South Sunset.)

And There It Is

This production would not have been possible without the supporting roles of Keeva Hayek, Valorna Edgeworth, Skye Galileo, Zues Burali, Woodie Taft, ZoeyStar Rankin, Quantus Rust, Eye Dangle, Tippy Fizz, and assorted guests and well-wishers.

And always–always–Blessed Danielle.

That is all.

Quickie Note

Due to the events of the day, as detailed previously, we’re in Short Shrift mode here. But I did want to comment briefly on one comment made by Shockwave Plasma to said previous post:

I thought the wedding invite was beautiful, I put it in one corner to admire, when I accidently pushed it though the wall

Luckily the persons who roof it fell on thought it was very nice as well.

Heh. Only in Second Life…

Incidentally, a coworker of mine has taken the plunge and joined us in-world. If you see Edward Tal walking around in a bit of a daze, be sure and give him a nice welcome to SL.

It’s A Nice Day For A White Wedding

As Danielle points out…we have a big event coming up tomorrow.

Ho-ly shit.

Now, in real life, I’ve never had a big wedding…my RL wife and I married on top of a courthouse clock tower, with a very small wedding party and a few friends as onlookers. And we weren’t going to have one here, either…originally, Danielle and I “eloped,” just registering the partnership with LL as a way of establishing ourselves as a couple. I considered that to be the equivalent of a marriage. But one of our longtime friends, Keeva Hayek, talked Danielle into it…and even loaned her her prize-winning Simone wedding gown for the occasion. (Though I strongly suspect Keeva herself is going to need it soon, given her relationship with Woodie Taft…)

The venue for the ceremony is Wedding Belles on Cameo, a cute little Victorian wedding village island I stumbled across in my travels before Danielle came on the scene. Danielle knew I liked the place…and the first I heard of it was her IM that was relayed to my E-mail saying “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED IN CAMEO!!!”

What’s followed has been an experience for me, to say the least.

First of all, while Danielle was able to line up three bridesmaids in a flash, it took me far longer to balance the wedding party on my side. I don’t know all that many guys in SL. (True even in RL…the “best man” at my RL wedding was actually female.) And it didn’t help that my first choice for best man, my longtime buddy Vertex, had to turn me down for personal reasons; can’t blame him, but oh well, what can you do? I wound up going with Mamba, for whom I was best man at his own wedding, as best man, and Zues, one of our club employees, as a groomsman…and there I got stuck. Fortunately, thanks to a suggestion from Danielle, I was able to recruit Woodie. Thanks, Woodie, you’re doing me a big favor!

We also got hung up trying to find a minister/officiant. All of the ones suggested by Wedding Belles were either unavailable or couldn’t do it due to the timing of the ceremony. Finally, I found one, who I hope can make it tomorrow. And then there was getting Danielle to write her vows…best not go there.

Finally…God damn, but these shindigs are expensive! Securing the venue cost L$5000 in all, and the minister will run us another L$500. I had to buy tuxes for myself and all the groomsmen (and then tint them blue to match the bridesmaids’ dresses), and those were Blaze Classic Tuxes at L$500 a pop. The invitations Danielle wanted were top-of-the-line; I’ll have to get a picture of one later, but it’s got flying doves, rose petals, bling, beautiful calligraphy…turned out even better than I expected. It oughta, at L$800! And then there were all kinds of other miscellaneous expenditures…flowers, the wedding cake, etc., ad nauseam. (And I still don’t know if we have a photographer…the one Danielle was trying to get was going to cost L$2000.) Suffice it to say that, even at the current rate of L$300/US$1, this is a decent chunk of change.

In the end, I hope everyone has a good time. Our guest list is fairly extensive, including people from The Shelter, from Soulmates, and from the Cutlass Club, as well as some people on my blogroll, a few of whom have become EMinders. I hope they can all make it…though I already know a few won’t. But do keep in mind a bit of philosophy from my RL wife: “It’s not the wedding that matters…it’s the marriage.”

UPDATE: Here’s the invite picture:

Formidable, to say the least.

Love In The Time of Sim Crashes

Boy, when it comes to relationships in Second Life, seems like there’s an awful lot of doom and gloom in the air over on SL Insider. And, yes, there’s an awful lot of relationships in this virtual world, as in any other, that range from rocky to chaotic. Yet I’m pretty sure things can be made to work, if the couple involved are realistic. What’s the key? I think the key thing you have to do is: Define your ground rules at the outset, before things get hot and heavy.

In the case of myself and Danielle, we did exactly that. Our relationship is strictly within the bounds of the world; it kind of has to be, for various reasons. So, for us, “What happens in SL, stays in SL,” to quote my friend matt27 Churchill. Danielle was realistic about it; her goal was to create a relationship, within the game, as far as it would progress “naturally.” In her words, “If it leads to Erbo ‘marrying’ Danielle then yay!!” And that seems to be where it’s led. In RL, though, the person behind Danielle and I (who is female, by the way) are just good friends at best, albeit long-distance ones, similar to the friends I left behind when I moved to Denver. Which is OK, too; my RL wife has a number of friends of that nature, some of them overseas.

Now, I’ve seen couples that haven’t defined the boundaries beforehand and stuck to them; those seem to be the ones for which things get messy, if not downright ugly. The result is the kind of drama that seems to suck us in, consume vast amounts of energy, and leave no one feeling very happy. Folks, if you’re planning an SL relationship, or have fallen into one, do yourself the favor of setting the boundaries and sticking to them. If you do, you’ll not only avoid problems, in my opinion, but you’ll discover rewards that make it all worthwhile.

(Inspired by the wedding today of two of our friends, 167mamba Au and ZoeyStar Rankin. I hope they’ve been as sensible about the process as we have. In any event, may their union be blessed and loving, always.)