The Campaign Heats Up

A lot of things have happened in the past 24 hours, changing the complexion of the gubernatorial race. Naturally, we wish to keep the voters informed, so let’s review.

First of all, it appears that Tiana Merriman has dropped out of the race, citing less dissatisfaction than she expected with the incumbent administration. We salute Ms. Merriman, regret the necessity of her departure from the race, and wish her the best of luck in her future endeavors. We also express our shock and dismay at the disappearance of Zoe Connolly, and join with her loved ones in heartfelt prayers for her safe return.

Romana Wei has released a campaign platform, revealing about what we thought it would:

Because safety isn’t free, and freedom isn’t safe, Romana Wei declares a gridwide WAR ON DANGER. Under Wei’s leadership, a new Grid Security Agency (GSA) shall be established to lead this fight, all other security apparatus will heretofore be organized under the wing of this bold new agency. The GSA shall be number one, all other security measures and agencies in Second Life shall be number two or lower.

The battle for safety will include: [list elided]

With all due respect to Ms. Wei and her campaign staff…that sounded a lot more impressive in the original German, if you take my meaning. My fellow Residents, have we learned nothing from history? Clearly Ms. Wei’s views are not in alignment with those of the majority.

Vint Falken has highlighted health care as an issue in her campaign. While health care is indeed of concern to a large number of Residents, including, of course, prenatal care for the expectant mothers of prim babies, we question the feasibility of her plan, smacking as it does of socialized medicine. We note the historical example of the Clintons as a cautionary tale in this respect. As your Governor, I will form an exploratory committee to determine the best way of providing needed health care services to all without resorting to socialist, big-government initiatives.

We note the appearance of several purported “candidates” whose only evidence of their campaigns are simple posters. It’s impossible to judge the character of their campaigns on this basis alone (though, from the artwork style used, it appears Mr. Raul Crimson may be a neo-Communist candidate), and so we shall await further developments from those camps, if indeed there is any substance behind the style.  (UPDATE: My worthy opponent Vint Falken is nothing if not gracious, and has provided me with a link to Mr. Crimson’s campaign announcement.  Still little of substance to be found, but it bears watching.)

And some new candidates have joined the race:

  • RedDawn Bade – Though I try to never “judge a book by its cover,” Ms. Bade’s candidacy may represent the ultimate triumph of style over substance. Her campaign platform, such as it is, consists mostly of Pollyannaish statements in favor of the status quo ante, combined with at least one proposal that would surely make Ms. Wei drool with envy. Friends, don’t forget, a vote for Evans is a vote for a comprehensive strategy for improvement of our Grid, combined with a proven track record of ability to get things done!
  • Tateru Nino – If I were of a more timid bent, I would consider throwing in the towel right now. Ms. Nino’s high name recognition and high Q-score among the electorate render her a truly formidable opponent (indeed, I know of no other candidates in the race that have their own cult!), and her minimalist platform will no doubt appeal to a large number of potential voters. However, her platform is a risky one, in that it carries a high likelihood of backfiring, resulting in basically “more of the same.” My fellow Residents, if you want to see comprehensive change with measurable results and improvement, vote Evans. After all, by Ms. Nino’s own admission, she doesn’t care who you vote for. As for Ms. Nino herself, I salute her courage and audacity in entering the race. May the best avatar win.
  • Tiessa Montgolfier – While we can’t help but admire the poetic manner win which Ms. Montgolfier declared her candidacy, we also can’t help but feel that it may have been “full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” We would remind the voters that “nothing will come of nothing.” However, we recognize that she may not have yet had time to develop a full platform; if and when she does, we’ll be glad to say, “Lay on, Macduff, and damned be him that first cries ‘Hold, enough!'” 🙂
  • Timothy Lilliehook – Mr. Lilliehook seems to be a rather single-issue candidate, campaigning on the neko-rights ticket. I, of course, am completely in favor of nekos, as my appointment of Danielle (a neko) as my campaign manager and eventual Chief of Staff will show. However, I think you’ll agree that we offer a complete, well-rounded platform, backed by proven experience.

See you out on the campaign trail!

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, it’s all a satire. Nothing is real. And nothing to get hung about. Strawberry fields forever.



Filed under Gubernatorial Campaign

4 responses to “The Campaign Heats Up

  1. Hmm. Do not judge that which you do not know about! Or have you ever worn a nurse’s outfit before?

    More info on the commi:

  2. Well, I used to be known as “Dr. Feelgood” in my DJ work…:-)

    Thanks for the heads-up on Mr. Crimson. We shall soon see if he’s as Red as that poster would indicate.

  3. Erbo

    Somewhere up there you mention timidness. Politics has no room for mice. Let me see some backbone boy. And if it all gets to much for you, feel free to ride my coattails to victory.


  4. Tyffany: I said, “If I were of a more timid bent…” Which, I assure you, I am not. But thanks for your support anyhow. 🙂

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